Melbourne. What the fuck?

It seems the imminant arrival of the Commonwealth Games to our shores has turned the respectable city of Melbourne into a fucking asylum. Earlier today I took to the streets of Melbourne town, tripped over a plethera of talentless buskers, got wet, frostbitten and sunburnt, and hit up by no less than 3 toothless beggers. The Hare Krishnas were out chanting their shit and rattling collection tins clearly loaded with coin, and what's worse, people were buying their shit. What-the-fuck!!!?!??! Figuring coke is best snorted from clean hotel vanities, I dropped a couple of coins in the cup of one young go-getter, who was hard at work lying flat out on Swanston street, mimmicking his czech counterparts. He's guaranteed a Braxy-funded bed in a month, just in time for Melbourne's long, drawn-out, la nina-effected winter. Good thing he'll have the coke!

Another blow for Melbourne's bums is State Planning Minister "Hullsy"'s plan to revamp Smith street in Collingwood into a shopping mecca complete with a whole fuck load of living space. Gone will be the $5 jugs of alleged Coopers ale. Gone will be the junkies basking under their favourite tree (which will surely go), and perhaps most importantly, gone will be the only bakery I'm yet to find in the whole of Melbourne which is able to bang up a decent pie for less than $3. Ironically, despite being an anti progress wannabe lobbiest organisation, these Arse Clowns don't share the same concerns. Look at the big picture, you fools!