Its high time I revealed my role – as crucial as it was – in getting the Socceroos to the finals of the World Cup in Germany.
On this auspicious day when Aussies around the world are extending the forks to the Japanese for being gracious losers - just like they did roughly 60 years ago – we can be forgiven for strutting around like pubertal adolescents who just got our first roots’. Allegorically we did, though it took thirty-two long years to lose our collective virginity, and for the passed several attempts at football flagellation, the pesky Ururuguayans deflowered us.
Close on a year ago, I was drunk in a bar.
A two-bit scank from my language school saunters in closely followed by a man who I can only presume was her pimp for the night. I should mention she was of the United States, though which state I cannot say. He – as it would turn out – suffered the affliction of being Uruguayan, though his Spanish was far more agreeable to the ear than that of the Madrileño twats who surrounded me, and his English was superlative.
From memory, the skirmish went much like this.
Whitz: Uruguay eh?
Mr. Uru: Yes – the most beautiful country in Latin America.
Whitz: Get ya hand off it mate – and listen while we’re at it – we’ve had a fucking boot full of your on-field antics.
Mr. Uru: ¿Qué?
Whitz: Listen carefully - I’ll say this only once. World Cup mate. No fuckin more are yous cunts gonna stand in our way. Next year its yous who will be the pants down fools. Ya hear?
Need I say more.
3 comments:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaahahaa.....
once again, its mr Whitz that saves the day....
i remember meeting a uruguyayninauan once... in mexico. he didnt speak english tho. no wonder we beat em in soccer...between our balls skills, and your stirling wit, the dirty urugs had narry a chance....
Is that the one who felt you up? Oh sorry. He was Peruvian. Boom tish.
Well mr. Lamma, you tell us. by all acounts, do Uruguyans or Peruvians have sloppy ball handling skills?
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