Need a clitlift?

I’ve sometimes been branded a chauvinist by various tards who were clearly objectionable toward my character. I like to call a spade a god dam spade; and as I’ve often thought, why fuck a girl in a skirt, when you can fuck a girl in a skirt in the arse.

Having carried this encumbrance for many years, I’ve decided it’s high time I give back something to the community. While The Reverend Tim Costello – brother of rightwing Liberal Party Treasurer who has been discussed at length in an earlier post – fills the cockles of the heart with good will toward young African children, child sponsorship is a little sinister for me in a Michael Jackson-like way.

Therefore I have decided to adopt a clitorus.

In the landlocked nation of Burkina Faso in western Africa, towels are quite proudly warn uponst the heads’ of at least half the population. As such, women are subjected to various atrocities such as cooking, cleaning, and female circumcision.

But singer songwriter, car racing enthusiast and all round show pony Claude Vorilhon - better known as Rael - has thrown his “spiritual” movement into overdrive to open up the Pleasure Hospital, and restore the clitoris - and therefore sexual freedom – of ladies with genital deformities.

The Raelian movement, whose fundamental belief systems about humans having been genetically engineered by extra terrestrials - were brought into existence after Vorilhon’s other business ventures had failed in the 70s. Rael, whose website proudly promotes “intelligent design for atheists” – further prophesises that the Elohim – Hebrew for the word “God” – will come to pay us a visit only when the Earth is peaceful, which at this rate should be some time next week, and when we all have a sense of sexual determination, which I for one have had since the tender years of my teens.

Taking all of this onboard, the Raelian doctors behind the venture ask for $500US to restore a clitoris, which is money well spent for when ET comes down to fuck all of our brains out.