Hooker Language

As is the nature of my job, people often ask me, Whitz, how do I get a prostitute, and how should I go about talking to him or her?

This makes me wonder; what the fuck do you want to talk about with a hooker? However the caring, facilitating English teacher that I am, I set to work explaining the delicate subject of money for sex.

For those at least here in Spain, the nature of the Spanish language leaves its speakers’ in turmoil. While in Latin American countries, the language is very formal and straight down the line, this is not so here. Even the smack head who lives in a cardboard box on the corner is your long lost amigo, and the gypsie conspicuously rifling through your pockets while offering you directions is your comrade in a time of need.

However, at what point do reservation and informality trade places? Can one really refer to the woman with her laughing gear wrapped around one’s member as usted? Can the money shot– as intimate as it is - really go ahead if sir is picking up the bill? Is madam ready for madam’s pearl necklace?

Thankfully English doesn’t exhibit such complexities.