As if in despair, the local Counsel has enlisted the man who brought syphilous to Melbourne to eradicate the city’s pigeon population. We have to give the man credit however, he did play a sizeable role in settling the place And trialing it’s brothels.
John Batman - an obvious choice due to his involvement in the eradication of various other populations in Tasmania – has the good fortune of having a park named after him alongside the Yarra River.
Unlike the Dutch – who I’m reliably told exterminate their pests’ by way of an instant grilling in the dead of night when nobody is looking, only to resell their carcases onto red-eyed Feebo shoppers – the Melbourne city counsel has erected a concentration camp for the faecal matter of the streets in said park, designed to keep them from destroying Melbourne’s bluestone wonders.
Bluestone – the only weapon Melbourne holds in the relentless war against Sydney – dissolves before our very eyes when shat uponst by the common pigeon, which is reason enough to drop a derisory 60k on the undertaking.
Batman will keep a sightless watchful eye over the proceedings, and is certain to offer trinkets to the new residents, and converse to them in a certain dialect with words not unlike ieday othermay uckersfay – obviously because pigs pigeons and aborigines all speak the same language.
Visitors are encouraged to give up their lunches’ at the site, and Sydney is encouraged to go fuck itself!
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4 comments:
I'll have you know you, by proxy, caused me to be violently ill this week when Dale insinuated that Engels and I had tagteamed the lass you nicknamed "Lovey Chunks".
Sir, I say, sir, the image created is quite disturbing.
most disturbing of all, methinks, is that you chose to partake in said tag teaming, after i had already pointed out the, what was the phrase, "soft tender lips" of men? and yet you still chose to go two up on the L to the C....
how is she finding your testiculars anyway mr whitburn, extra salty?
i remain nameless and unsalted.
You can lie to yourself, Dale... Both you and Master Whitz were very chummy witht he Menzies girls. In fact, I recall Whitz sleeping in the same bed with the sister...he claims he passed out (purely in self-defence) before *anything* happened. The jury is still out on this matter.
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