Media Circus Vs Miners

In his new role as big jefe de canal 9, Eddie Mcguire has hit the nail on the head. Having “persuaded” oustraya’s favourite cave dwellers to appear on the Footy Show – to make thank you speeches no less – he has wrapped up a simply dazzling game of simulated footy.

The Virtual festival of the boot parts 1, 2 and 3, has been played out; where the two teams went head-to-head for over two weeks. Where both sides – the Australian, nay the World Media, and the mining community of Beaconsfield have been playing a grueling grudge match – desperately jostling for the top position. A tournament unlike any other. Lives were lost; points were scored. While my present arrangement causes me to be joyfully missing the local broadcast media’s spin on the story-that-stops-a-nation, I’ll assume the role of Ray Rabsy Warren to summarise.

Anzac day, 2006. A late kick off on this - a brisk, autumn evening. Even the diggers – whats left of them – have put down their schooners to get a load of this. The mine’s collapsed; somebody will be getting a shafting at Beaconsfield gold mining HQ. The yellow canary clearly wasn’t doing its job. This reminds me of the stunning try of King Wally Louis’ in the 2nd clash of the 1987 Origin, when he wore the maroon number 9 proudly, as he darted through attempted tackles from Webber and Ballsnatcher, for a simply thrilling put down right between the posts. The blues weren’t doing their job properly, and they knew it. A great day for Australian football, a great day for the colour maroon, and most of all, a great day for the fans.

The media comes in slow and steady, dutifully passing the ball. The 11 on field miners are on the offensive, playing their opponents without too much fuss; and suddenly team manager Mighty Matthew Gill has affirmed that two of the remaining trapped players are alive.

Five days into the first half, and the media go into a scrum. Ball’s out, and the tables have turned on the miners, as the ball is passed through their defensive line. Kochi, Mel (one of our prettier athletes), passes to Naomi (Miss Universe), who dummy halfs Carl and Tracey, Richard Carlton, races passed the ABC, CNN, Noticias Cielo Bolivia and is put down 50 metres out from the Beaconsfield line.

It looks like one man is down, number 3 from the mining team, Larry Knight. He’s badly hurt, and will be stretchered off the field by the paramedics. Is a great loss for…them… The media crowds around, taking full advantage of the situation, and 20 metres out, Koch resumes play, passes it to Mel, who does her best to avoid passing onto her Channel 9 rivals, and back… Kochi, Kochi, Kochi scores a try. Brilliant footwork from Koch, absolutely astoundingly good play by the news team at 7, whose presence on the field is fast resembling a circus. Absolutely amazing!!! A miracle try to the media!!!

The miners retake control of the ball, making slow progress toward their line.

Good play from Fairfax, tackling a panic-stricken family member of one of the miners, in a desperate bid to get an extra scoop. ACA swoops on the Beaconsfield hair stylist for a new lead story, while 7’s Today Tonight tackles Jolene – a 12-year-old primary school student for her account on the commotion.

The trapped miners are doing well, making outlandish requests for fried food, ipods and beer; when in comes Richard Carlton for a head-high tackle on Gilly, a question from way out of left field, which all but flattens the poor mine manager. He’s got to be badly hurt from that, just has to be! The ref has surely got to put him on reprimand for that; it’s chequebook football, that’s what it is.

And we go to the replay; in fact Carlton is down, and it appears some of his teammates have stopped to assist the veteran player. He is being taken from the field in an ambulance. He will be sadly missed by his teammates at Channel 9, it’s a sad day for 60 minutes, I wonder how they will keep their lead position without such a great man.

Such a sad day for Australian Journalism. Just like when Wayne Bennet relinquished his post as head coach for the Australian side after suffering such a grueling defeat at the hands of the Kiwis’ in 2005. A great man lost, an embarrassing hiding – the first in 32 long years. The end of an era. The completion of what was a marriage from heaven - Wayne Bennet, and his victorious Kangaroos. The team he loved so much. A side which dominated for so long…

The miners have brought in the heavy artillery, and it looks as though the ref is giving the all clear to continue. Early morning on the 15th day and there looks to be a new face on the miner’s team, or is it two, yes, yes, the two trapped miners are out, and sprinting with the ball toward their line. A throng of media players surround the pair, but its gold, gold, gold for the miners, after 2 incredible weeks. Gold to big Gilly, who sidestepped some fierce opposition from Carlton earlier in the game, gold to the rescue team, who worked around the clock to keep the media at bay, and thanks to some forward thinking media officials, the ratings are soaring, as its gold to the two ripping blokes who deserve the match tonight - Webbo and Russel - each with television’s biggest ratings buying cheques’ folded neatly in their pockets. A brilliant game, a simply superb finish, and an absolutely scintillating outcome.